Back on My Bullsh*t

Resetting your mindset and leading forward when everything feels off

“I can’t stand this place!” That was something I recently shared with my wife, complete with tossing my hands in the air and the accompanying sound of a defeated voice. After back-to-back days of feeling like I couldn’t do anything right, I felt like I was stuck in cement with no relief in sight. This was when I hit the breaking point of two months of consistent frustration and feeling lost in how I was performing as both a leader and a teammate based on the values I learned as a young officer.

I believed the core values I thought were shared by everyone were non-negotiable, yet all of a sudden I saw them becoming optional to some through their own personal lens of self-justification. I pride myself on trying to be the best teammate possible, bringing my experiences and failures to the table to help design optimal solutions to the problems we are facing. However, my voice was viewed as a micromanagement distraction that was holding the team back from skipping processes that exist for a reason.

Even worse, I could tell when my inputs were being actively devalued, as if I had zero experience compared to my peers—even when I had the same or more experience on the subject matter. I would vent to my close professional circle of trust and to my wife while we walked our dog or over dinner (she often vented her day to me as well). No workplace has ever been considered paradise, but my current environment has been challenging, to say the least.

This week is where I almost reached my breaking point—until I slowed down, took some deep breaths, and gained a little perspective.

This place is temporary. If you notice, I said “this place.” I didn’t mention my company (which happens to be the Air Force at this time), where I have worked for over 20 years. I was raised in a culture within this organization that shares core values and expected behaviors, and I have fantastic memories of how adherence to those values kept our teams strong and helped everyone come out on the other side as better leaders and better teammates.

Those places still exist outside of my current orbit of peers, and I already have plans to join a new work environment to tackle new challenges. I am very aware that this new environment is more grounded in the norms of the organization compared to my current one, so I’m looking forward to getting back to normal—back to surrounding myself with teammates who share common values from the start.

Every experience can be valuable if you look hard enough, even if that experience is accompanied by frustration and pain. As the saying goes, “This too shall pass.”

Stay focused on raising the next generation to be better than you. Too often, I had my direct reports make statements such as, “This doesn’t sound like how a normal Air Force unit would handle the situation,” or “Why is this process skewing a decision toward a pre-determined choice?” As unsatisfying as it may sound, I would often respond, “Take inventory of what you are witnessing and make sure you don’t do this when you are in this position.”

That answer came after numerous attempts to stand up and call out what was wrong, only to be sidelined to avoid any perception of friction in front of leadership. I’ve seen poorly worded updates sent to leadership with no resolution attached, only to then be indirectly blamed for the problem and forced to defend myself with no preparation. I’ve asked direct questions to gain clarity for the team, only to be accused of setting up a potential landmine for a teammate.

None of those behaviors reflect the type of leaders we were raised to be, so being mischaracterized as a poor leader truly hurts. In those moments, I had to work hard to check myself and stay on the high road—reminding myself of the type of Airman I wanted to be and staying true to that.

Those challenging moments led me to a realization: I need to raise the next generation of leaders to be better than me. They need to see the mistakes happening in front of them and ensure they never repeat them. Instead of waiting for the future, I challenge the next generation of leaders to define the future.

“Can’t stop, won’t stop” isn’t just a catchphrase. I have a personal morale patch that says #CSWS, which stands for Can’t Stop Won’t Stop. It’s a tagline I’ve used since my second squadron command tour, and it describes a mindset of relentless action that I carry into many situations.

I use it when our team approaches problems from angles no one else sees—yet still delivers amazing results. I use it to describe how I’ve probably maintained the same level of immaturity and goofiness since high school—just with a little more gray hair and a few more wrinkles. But more importantly, it’s a mindset I rely on to get through tough times like this. I can’t stop because people rely on me, and I rely on them. 

I can’t stop because this world is filled with things I still look forward to, and these frustrations are just small speed bumps along the way. I won’t stop because it’s my responsibility to raise the next generation of leaders to be better than me. I won’t stop because I truly believe in myself, my leadership abilities, and the positivity I can bring to any team I’m fortunate enough to join.

A little perspective goes a long way.

As for me, it’s just like the Fabolous track B.O.M.B.S: I’ll be back on my bullshit.

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• Your environment may shift—your values shouldn’t. Stay grounded in who you are as a leader, even when those around you choose a different path.

  
  

• Turn frustration into mentorship. When you can’t fix the system, invest in developing the next generation to lead better than you did.

  
  

• Perspective fuels resilience. Difficult seasons are temporary, but how you respond defines your leadership and your legacy.